OrangeCoat

man those hand carved bunnies are so adorably bad ass, but bad assery isn't enough in this fight. You got to have gut when you are coming up against those seemingly frail old men draped in red. I tend to think the Santas have the upper hand but I expect they wouldn't come out of the fight looking quite as pretty -- knicks in their finish, pink bunny paint staining their beards, broken hats. Don't expect any nice family entertainment here.

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I'm tempted to root for Team Santa, on the theory of backup. A basketful of rotten eggs isn't going to do much for you when you're up against a calvary of reindeer and an army of elves. It takes a about a day for Salmonella to take down Prancer, Blitzen, Elrond and Legolas, by which point the remains of the battle will have already been recycled into fashionable coats and capes.

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My first reflex was to put my money on the Santas... but then I took a better look at the situation, and I have to say the bunnies might actually shred the bearded ones to bits.

My top 10 reasons why the bunnies win this fight:

1. Easter bunnies have better superpowers than the Santas: Without the sled, the elves, and the reindeer, the Santas aren't all that hard to dispatch.
2. The element of surprise: You'd expect the bunnies to be soft and cuddly, but appearances may be deceiving. I don't think their smiles are genuine. Behind those cold, empty little piercing eyes of theirs beat the black remorseless hearts of magical woodland creatures used to milliennia of cage-fighting matches with dark elves and probably Cthullu's countless minions. These magical bunnies are fierce. I wouldn't mess with them.
3. I hear the bunnies actually sharpen their teeth before every fight.
4. Bunnies can roundhouse kick.
5. These bunnies remind me of the gang in Clockwork Orange. I don't think that's a coincidence.
6. They wear the dried up scalps of their defeated enemies around their necks.
7. They can teleport. That comes in handy during a fight. Santas can shrink and shapeshift, but they can't teleport.
8. They're pretty good at egg-throwing. I once saw an Easter Bunny take down a cat from 1,875 yards with a single shot. It's still the record, I think. Santas can't see shit, so they aren't very good at throwing stuff.
9. Easter Bunnies can build an army a lot faster than Santa can recruit elves. In the end, war is a numbers game.
10. Bunnies fight dirty.

The Santas don't stand a chance.

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I'm going to say that the big guys win big here for one reason - they own the high ground by means of a flying sleigh. Sure, the bunnies have the numbers, but if the Santas are raining down a fury of "presents" from above, the furry woodland creatures don't stand much of a chance.

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