$10,000 reward

Posted 11 years ago by Evan Tishuk

So I'm offering a $10,000 reward for the safe return of my golf clubs and MP3 player.

"How are you ever going to pay a reward like that?"
"It's simple. Whoever returns the bike is obviously the person who stole it. So they don't deserve any reward!"

So I go to last night's Pulse kick off event at Deveraux's downtown. We leave at 5:30p. To save gas the group of us consolidate our efforts and car pool. I leave my hoopty unattended in the parking lot at my office. I think you see where this is going.

Come back later around 10p and notice my interior light is on. I quickly hop in and turn it on to see if the battery is going to be ok. It is. But why is the light on? Oh well, I probably accidently hit it on my way out. But why is my back window open too--I distinctly remember shutting it earlier. I chalk it up to my car sucking and go back into the office for another hour before driving home.

Then today I saddle up for a morning meeting and head into town. My MP3 player and file folder are gone! Shit. I start putting 2 and 2 together. I'd been robbed. I looked around the interior and my coffee cup was on the floor, and some things from my glove box were on the seat. Now I'm pissed.

I file a police report and go on about my day. Then an hour later I think, "I'd love to go hit some golf balls to blow off some steam. " Wait? I wonder if those bastards got into my trunk? Nah, there's too much junk in there (tailgate grill, tarp, folding chairs, platic bags, spare oil, blankets).

Evidently, the surrounding area is secluded enough that these theives had plenty of time to quietly remove all of the junk on top of my clubs (I can't overstate how much crap there was) and put them into another car (because what thief is going to carry around a bulky golf bag?).

Now I'm supremely pissed.

All that on top of my recent auto repairs adds up to a nice chunk of money and assets leaving my possession in the past 7 days.

Please send donations to BOX 1811, Greenville, SC 29602. Or perhaps directly to the crack heads who stole my stuff, they probably need the money more and it'll hopefully keep them away from my stuff in the future. However, if you have an extra set of lefty golf clubs that you'd like to donate, I'll arrange for a pickup!

Me Yesterday

Me yesterday

Me Today

Me today

As a disclaimer, there's no actual $10,000 reward just as "there's no basement in the Alamo!."

14 Comments

Chip Nimmons ~ 11 years ago

Did they steal my grill too?

Evan Tishuk ~ 11 years ago

Chip, your grill is safe. We're still on for BBQ. Oddly, the thieves removed it (probably causing a lot of noise) and took the time to fit it back in the trunk rather neatly (also probably causing a lot of noise).

Bobby ~ 11 years ago

Was your buttafucco fiber suit stolen? I hope not...ehhh....ehhhhhh.

Adam Gautsch ~ 11 years ago

Bobby, this post has been up for a week and that was the best line you could come up with?

You're slipping in your old age.

Bobby ~ 11 years ago

Well, let me say this. This morning was the first time I've been on the Yeti since it's rebirth. Second, the reason for the Family Guy reference is this: last night I had a weird dream in which I was getting these bizarre text messages from AT&T. They were awful, crude jokes that kept coming to my phone every 10 minutes. I was finally awoken by my an actual text message to my phone. Ya see, my phone keeps reminding me I have a message unitl I check it...kind of annoying, but useful too. My message alert was subconsciously being inserted to my dream. SOOOOO, when I read the message at 2:00 am, it was from Evan quoting one of our favorite Peter Griffin / David Letterman lines..."So I told her it was made of 100% Buttafucco fiber." Peter / David then fixes his tie 6 times while repeatedly saying "eehhh?? eehhhhhhhhhh?"

Therefore, when I read Evan's post, I made light of the situation by referencing last night's text message.
However, you were right about it being a weak comment. I am not slipping in my old age. Once I figure out how this new Yeti actually works, I'll be right back in the swing of things.

Evan Tishuk ~ 11 years ago

Bobby: I figured you'd like that. Now that I know you have the most annoying phone EVAR, you might want to start turning it off at night.

As for the MP3 Player... I'm calling the police tomorrow to figure out how I can get it back. No word on my golf clubs however. Hopefully Sipowicz will squeeze some information out of him on that front.

Bobby ~ 11 years ago

Has the thug been caught? If so, I really think some sort of revenge is due. It wouldn't be hard to find out where he lives and put a dead raccoon under his steps. It may take a little while for the stink to kick in, but it would be worth it. Right Jimmy? Unless however, the thug then slices up the raccoon in a hundred pieces and puts it your window sill.

ihatetrucks ~ 11 years ago

you would have to cut the racoon up with the perp's toothbrush to accurately recreate history.

Sucks about you getting robbed, it couldn't have happened to a more deserving person.

Bobby ~ 11 years ago

Wait one friggin minute...... you used his tooth brush??? (single claps) That makes the unbelievable story even more so. I'm in utter disbelief.

WAIT ANOTHER FRIGGIN MINUTE… They found the MP3 player??? That’s unheard of. …

Evan Tishuk ~ 11 years ago

At least when Alejandro hit my car I got a fat insurance check so I could "repair" it. The light at the end of this tunnel probably does not include having Mr. Thug's grandother's insurance paying for my stolen goods.

CSpin ~ 11 years ago

Evan, you should definately sue the thief, and get your rightfull share of all of his future endevors.

People don't sue people enough anymore, I remember the good 'ole days

[...] Ever since my MP3 player was stolen (and found! but not yet returned), I’ve not been able to keep up with podcasts. However, today I finally finished this 30 minute quasi-conversation from Cafe Hayek that covers a lot of ground and asks a great question at the end. “If everyone was to suddenly receive a top-notch economics 101 education, would people have different attitudes about price gouging?” [...]

Phil Saade ~ 11 years ago

Dude, it sounds as aweful as my own story. I realized that my window was smashed when I drove out of the parking lot and merged on to the main road. Then, I heard a massive thump sound and I turned around - only to see that my door had just slammed shut. A TON of broken glass on the back seat made me think I hit a sharp outstanding object on the street or from another car Then, I went pale when I saw that my entire life was stolen from my car's back seat... Oh well, there's nothing to learn from all that except that sometime's we do get unlucky =)

Evan Tishuk ~ 10 years ago

Update: I just received a letter from the Department of Probation, Parole and Pardon Services stating that the man whole stole my stuff has been transfered to the South Carolina Dept of Corrections. He wont be eligible for parole until 2007. It didn't say how long the sentence was actually for but 1 year until parole sounds like maybe a 2-3 sentence.

Well, I hope it was worth the measley pawn cash.

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