A Perfect Marriage

Posted 10 years ago by Adam Gautsch

We've got a new business model people. Combine the technology to tell when an egg is properly boiled with advertising on eggs and volia. No need for me to win the lottery anymore.

4 Comments

olivier blanchard ~ 10 years ago

The ten proper steps to boiling and eating an egg like a gentleman. These should be followed to the letter:

1) Bring a pot of water to 101 degrees celcius.

2) With a wide wooden spoon, carefully insert two uncooked eggs in the pot of boiling water. Note: The eggs should be purchased from a local, reputable farmer or merchant that very morning.

3) Start the chronometer on your Tag Heuer chronograph.

4) After exactly 3 minutes and three seconds, remove the eggs from the boiling water.

5) While your eggs cool a bit, create your "mouillettes." by slicing some strips of untoasted sliced bread. The length isn't important, but the width should not exceed 15mm. Please use a proper knife, as jagged edges on mouillettes is completely unacceptable.

6) Place your first egg upright in its cradle (wider end facing down), and crack the upper section by gently tapping the edge of your silver teaspoon around the entire circumference of the egg.

7) Apply pressure to the shell where it has been cracked. Once your spoon has penetrated the shell, twist it to remove the egg's "cap". (If you do this correctly, you should just glimpse the yolk inside the egg under a thin layer of egg white. If the egg yolk starts pouring over the edge, you cracked your egg too low.) Gently rest the cap on your saucer, white facing up and shell facing down, at the base of the cradle.

8) With a mouillette, press down into the yolk until you penetrate its protective mebrane. In case of emergency, you may also discretely do this with the tip of your spoon. Add a pinch of salt to taste.

9) Use your mouillettes to soak up the yolk inside the egg. Note: It is encouraged to hold the toast with your fingers rather than with a fork. Use as many mouillettes as you wish. Double-dipping mouillettes in your own egg is acceptable.

10) When all that remains inside the egg is the white, use your spoon to gently scrape it off the inside of the shell. (Be careful not to drop any egg white into your beard.) Once all that remains is the eggshell, rest it aside (on your saucer if your manservant is nowhere to be found), and repeat steps 6-10 with your second egg.

Note: Please refrain from scraping the egg white from the discarded 'cap' if you are older than 12 years of age.

Adam Gautsch ~ 10 years ago

I'm confused. None of the steps include bourbon? Step 0: Pour three fingers of bourbon.

olivier blanchard ~ 10 years ago

Barbarian.

Bobby ~ 10 years ago

I'm not even going to touch on this one...eggs.....

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